Oh Poopikins! (Week 3)

I find it intriguing what we as humans and as a society find funny, taboo and inappropriate in everyday life. For some reason growing up I never farted in front of my family, being the youngest I took a lot of my social cues from my older brothers, right and wrong. The old man was more than happy to "let one rip" but I soon learnt that Mom did not like us doing that.

South Park are always making fart jokes as too Family Guy. We get others to "pull our finger" and we are generous in giving others "cupcakes" but yet the majority of society deemed these acts/shows as crass. Though this bodily function is natural, everyone does it, so I have discovered.

Not long after the birth of our first, I discovered that babies fart, a lot. To the point now that my youngest at nearly two years of age, whenever she farts her eyes widen and a smile crosses her face as she searches the room to find someone else to laugh with and acknowledge her air biscuit. Such as the influence we have over our children and their perceptions in life. I must plead guilty in teaching her that this is funny, I think it is. She will even laugh and point at the dog when the dog farts. If I pinched her every time she farted this would create a different response in her, probably a negative one. Nurture-1, Nature-0.

My boy is no different, he farts, though at this stage in life it’s a shart. Sharts are a great indicator of when to change them though it’s best to give it a few minutes to ensure that he is done, otherwise you get to change them again. It was an auspicious moment last night when my little dude farted for the first time without following through, a real milestone in a young life and proud parents to boot.

Now following through will lead us to Bowel Movements, poos, #2, turds, craps, logs, cables, butt drool, lawn sausage...you get the idea. When leaving the hospital you are given a reference card with 6 different photos of baby poo so you can determine the health of your child. Believe it or not they are all different colours and honestly these colours scare me a little. 

Your baby's first couple of poos will be a thick black sticky tar. I guess this is the by-product of the nutrients from the umbilical cord and a build-up of their time in the womb. As odd as this is it is normal. From here it will change to as the baby starts taking colostrum and become more watery and will change yet again when the milk finally kicks in. It now looks more like chunks of curdled milk, again totally normal.

Then came Baby Shit Green. This is actually a colour and surely this cannot be natural for a child or anyone to produce such waste. Never fear as referencing my card it has allayed my fears and I am comforted to know that this is natural. Only time will tell what exciting developments are to follow in my child's excrement.

A wise man once told me that "You have never been drunk until you have crapped yourself and I’ve been drunk 3 times". Now having one of each, both sexes make a terrible mess down there and for now I call it a tie for the lead. Gents if you think you have never crapped yourself that bad that you have shit on your balls and up your back then you are sadly mistaken. This happens a lot when you are young and thankfully the same applies for when you are drunk, you can’t remember it happening.

For the first few months disposable diapers are the way to deal with all of this. Moving forward though with our first we trialled a few different options and found one we liked. Firstly we had a service that was given to us as a gift. A cloth inner that wrapped around the baby and an outer cover that Velcro’s over the top. This was great as all you did was put the diapers in the bin provided and put the bag at your  front door once a week, they were taken away and they leave you new clean ones. As it is difficult to wrap a wiggling baby twice it was a draw back on this method. We found that they leaked a lot and we were doing more laundry as a result. Disposables are expensive and can cost up to $4000 per child until they are potty trained. Technology advances have progressed to a point that training your child is happening latter as they are drier and the parents don't feel the need to change that often nor does the child complain to have your diaper changed. Not mention the environmental impact!

We settled for cloth diapers. These are not a huge cloth folded into a triangle and held together with a pin. (I know, that's what I thought too!) Made locally, they are adjustable, machine washable and styled with various colours, prints and camouflage for the fashion conscience. An absorbable insert is coupled with a waterproof polyurethane backed cover and easily held together with press button studs (I know, I know. In this case I am in favour for the studs). The worst part is cleaning the poo off in the toilet but you soon get over that. Let’s face it, if you don't want to deal with poo, you will neither have a pet nor off spring. We got 17 of these for about $150 and this lasts us about 2 days. There is a bit more laundry to do but not enough you need to do it every day nor does the house smell like crap. The additional waste is zero.

Like most families we got a dog a before we had kids but not for the reasons you think. Having children with my wife was never an issue, we both wanted them. She had seen me with my nieces and deemed me responsible enough. As a medical professional she is trained to deal with bodily fluids and functions but me not so much. Having the dog taught me that I could deal with the avalanche of shit that was soon to come my way. Dog poo is way, way, easier to deal with. 

Our perceptions in the gastrointestinal habits of humans are odd indeed considering that it is a universal practice vital to our survival.

Benjiman Buttonless (week 2)

After a week on the boob our little man is less like Benjamin Button and more like his older sister, it’s amazing the difference a week makes. The extra skin is being filled out nicely. Eyes are opening more as he follows your voice and focuses on you when he is awake.

Babies are incredible chick magnets! If you have the choice, have a baby before you have a wife as women from the wood work will trip, swoon and queue in line for a cuddle. It can be difficult to keep track of your baby as they get passed around the room but with friends at a dinner party it is OK. In a pub setting it’s easier to lose track. Breastfeeding makes it hard to be away from Mom too long without screaming but if they are bottle fed then heading out with some mates for a pint is a good option to give the primary caregiver some rest, as well as earning brownie points for yourself and catching the game. 

I don't mind the baby crying as they are babies and that's what they do. You will spend some time trying to stop your baby crying especially if they are colicky. Mine are not and thank god for that! I pity you if yours is. Tag team is the best way to attack a crying baby and change up often. Give your partner frequent breaks as it can be distressing and wearing on your patience. If you need some time, it is OK to put them down and leave the room. A stressed, frazzled, sleepless and frustrated parent is easily achieved and is no good for anyone. Let them cry it’s what they do!

What I can’t stand is a hungry crying baby because as a man I just want to fix the problem. Whilst my breasts are ample and soft they do not produce milk so any excursion away from the baby for the Mom must be timed to perfection. Singing, walking, or rocking are great to subdue an irritated infant but to buy yourself for some time when they are hungry, offer them the knuckle of your finger as a makeshift nipple for them to suck on.

He is sleeping lots still but what you don't want to do is be quiet to get him or keep him asleep. Get them use to noise while sleeping, the TV, radio or vacuum cleaner, anything that makes noise. To have them able to sleep with noise about is perfect as it will condition them as they get older and ensure you don't become one of those patronizing parents that say, "shhh our baby is sleeping". Adapt your child to your life, bring them with you, and throw them under the table at a restaurant or pub. You are the parent and in charge, you need to get out and you need continue your life as normal or your wife will go crazy which will of course be your fault and ultimately drive you crazy. Having a baby does not need to be social suicide though it’s an easy trap to fall into. Pressing on with your life is also a great beginning to having a social and outgoing baby.

One thing I am still getting use to this week is having my wife as a drinking partner again. At first it was odd to be at home enjoying an ale or three alone while cooking dinner (OK not really) but that soon passed. Now that my wife is going to the fridge and grabbing my beers, I was a little taken aback by this. It’s a social aspect within in my culture and for us that has been missing. “Whaaat! Breast feeding Moms can’t drink" you say, actually they can. It is equated to drinking and driving, if you can drink and still drive then you can breast feed. Any alcohol intake still has to be processed by the liver prior to entering the bloodstream and then the milk. 

Good news all round as you still have your driver!

Prost!

Its a BOY! (Week 1)

WOW a boy! Being the youngest of 3 boys from the eldest of 6 boys, having a girl first really put the weight of an anvil right on my heart. What do I know about girls? Do I have to think before I speak now? Do I have to have a tea party? Though instantly realising I still have some time before I have to put the seat back down, these and many more questions came to mind but I would not change it for the world. Young girls are loving, caring, playful, gentle and will melt your heart at the blink of an eye.

For now, I have a son. The name lives on, oh the stories and beers we shall share. The anticipation was crippling. We did not know the sex of the baby and during the last ten months found this to be quite rare and a little ostracising. I received looks and comments from friends and strangers that made me feel inferior or small pox ridden, but just because you can does not necessarily mean you should. There are very few surprises left in this world of 24hr news and instant gratification but it was not an issue at all, until the last few weeks when all you want to do is meet the new member of your family. This feeling of anticipation is true regardless if you know the sex or not and is only heightened by not knowing. Another self discovered fact and a con for the "Knowing" argument, is the retail consumerism of a couple that know the sex compared to those that do not. Most expectant mothers simply can not walk past a cute pink or blue outfit that their new unborn baby "simply must have" in knowing the sex. If the mother-to-be loves to shop, ha, well then my friend, now she has someone else to shop for and another excuse.

People will stop you in the street, grab the mother-to-be by the hand and offer you an unsolicited diagnosis on the sex of your baby. Questions will be asked by your co-workers that have not even met your wife/partner and from your answer will also determine for you, the sex of your baby. There are old wives tales that will prognosticate and your opinion will be sought from friends as to what you think it is. Such incidents are flattering at first as its good to know that people do care for and of others, but by the end, it does wear pretty thin and verges on creepy. Regardless, I have found two things to be true in guessing what your next child will be:

1. It does not matter what it is, you will love your child regardless of its sex.
2. What ever you think it is, it will be the opposite.

Enjoy the unknown, you will have their whole life to enjoy their company and save yourself some money.

Family, friends and friends of friends and family will give you what ever baby clothes and toys they have that they want to get rid of. For your first, your wife/partner will have a baby shower and those that did not attend will give you a present anyway. You will receive so many presents and clothes that the need to shop before hand is very limited. There are essentials you need yes, but you don't need half the crap that is on offer. A bath tub, forget it, use the sink. Newborns don't bath that often and its a waste of space. We had one given to us for our first and we used it 3 times. It got moved form pillar to post and I forgot how many times I tripped over it.

Clothing Tip: Get/Ask for the onsies with zippers. The press stud buttons are a pain in the ass at 3am in the dark with little sleep. There is one zipper and and upwards of 8 press stud buttons.

For the the first week and the first three weeks for that matter, all they do is sleep, eat and shit. Enjoy it, it is actually a great transition to family life and between you and me your role is limited in comparison to that of the mother. You will be needed though to change and fetch diapers, grab her phone, knitting, laptop or drink when Mom is in a comfy spot feeding. Though with our second my role has turned into distracting and entertaining the older sibling so she does not grab and fling the shitty diaper at the dog.

Our kids are breastfeed, apart from giving nutrients and antibodies that are not 100% replicated by formula, it  is also a great boost to their immune system which right now is non existent. He says with a whisper "You did not hear it from me but breastfeeding is a great in aiding the Moms to shed those baby pounds (in addition to exercise of course)". If you are bottle feeding then you will be busier than a one armed traffic cop. Bottles need to be washed and sterilized, water boiled and cooled, powder added, bottle reheated and baby feed. In feeding every 2-3hrs there is a lot of this, a lot of prep work. Sterilizing the bottles is made easier with a contraption that looks like a giant Tupperware container, some water in the bottom, bottles in and about 6mins in the microwave and your job is done. If you are bottle feeding, this is a must.

Another concern that come flooding back to me this week is at this young age is, how fragile newborns can be. Obviously holding the head is paramount but it can get challenging changing a squirming baby while trying to force his arms and legs into a onesie. What you must remember is, the delivery. Think of what these little munchkins do to arrive into this world. If they can manipulate themselves to get through an opening like that then putting on some clothes will not be a problem. If you hear a crack followed by a cry, feel free to stop and seek medical advice.

People's Exhibit A: Bath in the sink..

Introduction

As a new father for the second time now, we were the first of our group of friends to have a baby. Now with our second baby here, there is a gravitational pull for families to bond and new friendship emerge through child birth. I have been encouraged by some to put together my experiences, advice and tips for new and expectant fathers.

As the patriarch of the family and the 10 months preceding the birth, the fathers take a back seat to the child bearer and the unborn for obvious reasons. Little attention is paid to the father during this time or his thoughts, concerns and wants are address only before the family dog. Unfortunately this decline in the social/familia pecking order continues after the birth as the needs of others are met. A noble and chivalrous act that is paid back in full by a lovely pair of socks gifted on Fathers Day.

I guess I am your average Vancouverite. Mid 30s, mortgage, a wife, 2 kids (girl and boy), I have a great love of the outdoors snowboarding, hiking, camping, running, biking and of course I am born elsewhere.

The content of my blog is directed at 1st time/expecting fathers and the views and experiences are that of my own. I am not a medical professional though am married to one, I don't pretend to know everything about the birthing process, child rearing or parenting. What I write about are my experiences and what has worked for me. The choices you make will depend on options available to you, your circumstances, finances, practicality, but most of all what WILL work for you and your family.

I am sure you have had friends/family/co-workers that offer you unsolicited advice and that have told you exactly what you must do with your child as that's what they did. There is nothing worse! I hate these people. Everyones experiences WILL be different, pregnancies, deliveries, eating and sleeping patterns and etc, will all differ to others and even between your kids.

I intend to give weekly updates of the growth and development of my new baby boy as well as touch on some topics so hopefully I can give you some insight, tips and ideas as to what you can do or expect when rearing you child, with a little humor.